1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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