Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
