i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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