she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
