why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
