with your own penis?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
