I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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