Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
your like the ambassador to my penis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
