I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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