ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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