i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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