And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
