and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
only if we run a train.
done.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
