how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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