That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
