If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
