so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
