you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
