I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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