You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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