cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
