so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
