I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
