shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
