i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
