last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
where am i from again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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