wakey wakey hands off snakey
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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