his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
