I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They have beer where we have blood.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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