I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
