Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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