Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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