wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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