Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
