whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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