Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
