Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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