he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
