dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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