well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
