i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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