Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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