Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
