He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
