i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
