I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At least make sure they are 18
Why
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
