I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
