i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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