Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
