So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
