shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
