We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
