:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
