If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
