throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
